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Then enter the letters in the answer key to calculate your score.This score will tell you where your marriage falls on the workability scale. Your spouse says s/he is going to be working late again.In response, your spouse: a) turns up the volume on the television b) turns the television off, sits you down and asks what happened c) turns down the volume on the television and asks you about what happened. When you and your spouse argue: a) You both scream and shout at the same time trying to get the other person to hear the other b) listen to each other and each have a chance to express your viewpoints c) one or both of you becomes emotional at first but you eventually calm down to where you can converse 4.When an issue comes up between you and your spouse, you resolve it by: a) one of you automatically defers to the other for the solution b) you have an unspoken agreement that you won’t talk about the issue and you’ll both hope it goes away c) you work on finding a resolution together 5.Your spouse suggests that you go on vacation together for two weeks.You: a) get excited at the thought of spending two whole weeks with your spouse on your ideal vacation b) get a knot in the pit of your stomach thinking about how you’ll have to suffer through his or her idea of a “vacation” c) say yes but mean no because you don’t want to be away from the kids or work that long 6. Your spouse says something derogatory to you in front of your friends.
Something your spouse has done has upset you and you: a) never let your spouse forget it and bring it up every chance you can b) stuff your feelings hoping that they will go away c) tell him or her directly that you want to talk about what’s upsetting you 8. You: a) make some excuse as to why you and your friend need to leave b) tell your spouse right then and there that s/he’d better knock it off or you’ll divorce him or her c) ask your spouse about it later and let him or her know that it made you feel insecure 9.
10 – 14 Workable only if both parties are willing to work very hard to make some drastic changes to the patterns of relating 15 – 24 Very good chance that your marriage is workable but will require some hard work to change patterns of relating 25 – 30 A highly workable marriage that may or may not require that changes be made to patterns of relating If you discover that your marriage will require hard work to change the patterns of relating, it is advisable to seek outside assistance as soon as you can.
The Workability Quiz is the property of Susan Pease Gadoua and may not be copied, distributed or used without her prior written consent.
You: a) are shocked since this is so out of character for him/her b) pray once again that s/he get sober c) express concern to your spouse that s/he would risk losing her/his job over a few drinks since this happened once before two years ago.
1) a = 3 complete trust b = 1 no trust c = 2 questionable trust ____ 2) a = 1 no support b = 3 very supportive c = 2 somewhat supportive ____ 3) a = 1 no communication/abuse b = 3 good communication c = 2 sufficient communication ____ 4) a = 2 one person resolves the issues b = 1 issues are not addressed or resolved c = 3 cooperative resolution to issues ____ 5) a = 3 shared interests b = 1 no shared interests c = 2 some shared interests ____ 6) a = 2 questionable esteem for self &/or other b = 1 no esteem for self &/or other c = 3 some esteem for self &/or other ____ 7) a = 1 unwillingness to work on the marriage b = 2 resistance to work on the marriage c = 3 willingness to work on the marriage ____ a = 2 avoid conflict and never state truth b = 1 engage in conflict and make threats c = 3 avoid conflict but state truth appropriately____ 9) a = 3 sincere desire to create safe environment b = 2 insincere desire to create safe environment c = 1 no desire to create safe environment ____ 10) a = 3 presumably no addiction issues present b = 1 ongoing untreated addiction/co-addiction c = 2 destructive tendencies/no apparent addiction ____ Your Total ____ Once you have your total, refer to the scale below to determine how workable your marriage is.